Learning I had Bipolar Disorder was a big hit to my brain. Not only did I have BP, I also had touches of schizophrenia. Finding the right treatment for me has been a struggle. Most of the time on medication, I would be zombie-like. No emotions, no care in the world, nothing interested me. I'm slowly getting out of that niche. I was diagnosed in March 2006. I was 22 at the time. I was working full time and had been for several years, and it finally got to the breaking point. I was insane.

I was paranoid all the time, anxious, hearing voices that weren't really there, manic beyond belief, I was a total wreck. I ended up losing my job after being on FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act which allows 12 weeks off of work - paid). The first few medications I was put on either made me have to keep moving, I was super tired but couldn't sleep a wink, or I was a zombie. I gained a lot of weight which is a side effect of psychotropic drugs, and I was already obese at that point, so add 90 pounds to an obese person and you just can't imagine the pain I was in. Mentally and physically.

Luckily after a few years I was put back on Risperdal, but a higher dose and I also took Congentin which cancels out a lot of the side effects of risperdal such as feeling anxious, anxiety and sleeping 18 hours a day. I think due to the medication I have problems sleeping at night. Not sure why, but I find myself up all hours of the night, trying to get to sleep but can't. Sometimes I can't get to sleep until 9 or later in the morning. It's frustrating. But my parents and I have learned to deal with it. Yes, I live with my parents. They have always been there for me when it comes to mental health. It's put a huge burden on them but they love me, and I will always love them. As a side note, I got a huge tattoo on my left calf that has a red heart with flowers sticking up and inside the heart I have "Mom & Dad".

I want to go back to work but I honestly don't think I can. I can't even remember to do things around the house such as pick up after myself, it's just not something that my brain recognizes to do. It's rather sad. I don't often do laundry, which means I wear dirty clothes a lot of the time, unless I'm going out with my parents to dinner or a movie. I don't even go out of the house much. I'm a homebody. I just like it where it's calm and not chaotic at all. I CAN go out places but it just doesn't interest me. I am, however, going to water aerobics with my mom on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the YMCA. I enjoy that, it get's me exercising, moving, breathing, having fun. That is one activity outside of the home I enjoy.

Lately, I've been entertaining making a blog. Not sure what the topic would be, but I've wanted to make a monetized blog for a long time. I even got my own domain name (cheap I might add!) and set up my computer to act as the server for the website. Another side-note: I have always been good with computers, I grew up on one, even back in the olden days when the only way to access a program was to put in the 5 1/4″ floppy. Haha.

I think what I'm going to do for a topic is create a sub-domain for my blog, a separate blog solely to discuss how mental illness affects people and how to overcome it, for the most part. You can never fully overcome mental illness. It's in your genes. It's how your brain is wired. But at least I know how I cope with mine. Maybe someday my blog will be of help to you out there on the "interwebs."